![]() ![]() Then it is time to drag out Lala, who disappeared halfway through the season in a cloud of infidelity accusation and the fumes of whatever strange adhesive she uses to keep those talon-like nails of hers affixed to her hands. However, getting employed at SUR to be on a reality program and then trying to get on that reality program by sleeping with the weaseliest member of the cast is the grossest, desperatest, disgustingest thing I have ever even imagined. and done all sorts of crummy things to get famous. For the better part of a century, people have moved to L.A. The saddest thing about the reunion though is that it comes out that GG slept with James so that she could be on the show. Yes, he is awful, but when he’s not being cruel to everyone, his complete lack of self-awareness is amusing. Later, when he says he slept with Kristen to get on the show and then makes fun of Stassi by crawling across the set mocking her groveling back to be on the show, I kind of fell in love with him all over again. Last season he got angry when Andy wouldn’t let him talk about it, which is the most DJ James Kennedy thing of all time. ![]() It is great when he pokes fun at himself for bringing up his Pump Sessions CD. He is so incredibly awful that I’m almost in love with him, and he acquits himself nicely at the reunion. Then we move on to DJ James Kennedy who is the quintessential reality-TV person I love to hate. (For the record, the chefs think all of the girls are beautiful except Kristen, because she’s too crazy.) Andy would later make up for this slight by interviewing SUR’s chefs Christian and Guillermo in pidgin Spanish that Mark Consuelos surely taught him while they were both wearing Speedos. Andy Cohen described them as “disgusting,” but please, that queen would eat the hell out of Tom Schwartz’s buttsteak, don’t let him fool you for even one second. I didn’t hate it.Įverything started off boring while we rehashed the tired old story about Kristen going down on Brittany and Schwartz making “butt steaks” for his groomsmen. Lala shows up later and seems to be wearing a series of white, paper hospital gowns origami-ed into some sort of top and pants combination. Tom Sandoval looks incredibly restrained with a cute short haircut and an all-black ensemble that is totally different from his usual peacockery, and it just made him even more handsome. Ariana fashioned a light-blue macramé wall hanging from the ’70s into a dress, and I love it as much as I hate it, but I think I love it. Scheanna NoShay is wearing what a nude platform heel would look like if it were promoted to a dress. Jax Taylor looks somewhat tasteful and understated in a navy tuxedo jacket. Kristen is wearing blue? It hardly registered.Īcross the aisle, DJ James Kenney has on a skinny periwinkle blazer and a scoop neck T-shirt like he had just signed an endorsement deal with TopMan. Brittany is wearing what appeared to be a prom dress that her mother made out of cast-off polyester choir robes. Stassi is wearing a very tasteful, if low-cut, maroon thing. However, even though the left side of her dress was fully falling off her body, it still didn’t look slutty for some reason. His wife Katie is wearing the sort of black, sheer, lace-up dress that you would design if you were told to design a dress for a slutty person. I still love him and choose to forever believe Lala’s assertions that he has a D as big as an Arby’s Big Boy sculpture sitting out in front of the franchise. ![]() Next to her is Tom Schwartz, wearing a black tie-dyed shirt with a vest over it, looking very eighth-grade graduation. This is so “on brand” that it’s almost as if Lisa has become a cartoon version of herself instead of a real human being. It was a black satin coat with a hot-pink Cruella de Vil collar and a giant diamond brooch. However, she was wearing the most Lisa Vanderpump outfit in all of creation. Lisa Vanderpump, always fully kitted out for the RHOBH reunion, wasn’t nearly as formal. It’s clear that these guys don’t pay nearly as much attention to their reunion outfits as the Real Housewives do, and I sort of appreciate that. I think we should start, as usual, by going around the horn and talking about what everyone is wearing, because that is, essentially, what we show up to see. It got off to a really snoozy start, but by the end it seemed like we had made a little something resembling progress. However, that is not exactly what happened at the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Nothing happens, arguments are raised and not resolved, and I end up hating the people I hate even more and loving the people I love even more. This is my annual reminder that I do not like writing about reunion specials. Tom Schwartz, Katie Maloney, Stassi Schroeder. ![]()
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